How to Yell at Your Children: 12 Ways to Your Temper Fast
I flipped out. “It’s due today?” my voice escalating, “Why are you telling me about the project now? How long have you known about it? You could’ve said something last night at least. It’s too late to do anything about it today. It’s time to get heading out the door.”
Without waiting for a reply, I turned in the other direction at a grumbling, pokey child. “Will you stop it already. Just let whatever happened last night go.” Drill sergeant style, I barked out orders, pushing everyone out the door—my attempt at getting the troops out the door on time.
I sabotaged my children’s, and husband’s, start of the day. I didn’t yell, per se, but they got plenty of my ugly.
Have you ever have a bad parenting moment, a bad parenting day or longer?
All throughout my parenting years, I’ve lost my temper at various times. I know how “bad mommy” guilt feels. That feeling stinks. No one wins. Everyone feels like a loser.
If you want to start yelling at your children and lose your temper fast, follow these 12 simple tips:
These are surefire ways you too can sabotage yourself and explode in your children’s (and husband’s) direction.
- Ignore your body. Don’t get enough sleep or downtime.
- Leave out margin. Make sure you are running from one thing to the next with tight deadlines.
- Think about what others would say. Everything your children do reflects on you as a parent and as a person. Remember, image is everything.
- Forget their age and expect them to do what you would do as an adult—or better than you would do—in any given situation.
- Try to be perfect. It doesn’t matter if you are sick or are already feeling overwhelmed. Raise the bar.
- a. Fill your life with “have-to’s”. Don’t stop to play unless everything is done . . . right. or b. Fill your life with play and neglect the “have-to’s”.
- Don’t play with your children.
- Ignore the first, second and third times they have disobeyed. Wait until you are good and ready to pop.
- a. Have unpredictable or unspoken expectations for your children. Unfulfilled, unexpressed expectations guarantee frustration every time. or b. Have no expectations of your children. Clean up after them even when they are capable of doing themselves. Do their homework and projects for them. Give them endless excuses for poor behavior.
- Don’t have a good relationship with your spouse. A good thick tension will inevitably impact your parenting. If you’re having trouble in your marriage, tough it out alone.
- Keep grudges. It doesn’t matter who offended you. Let that baby stew and grow.
- Don’t apologize or accept forgiveness.
That day happened years ago. I calmed down and gave myself a break. I talked with my husband and apologized to my children when they made it home after school. I wish I could say that was the last time I lost my temper with my kids. I’m still perfectly human, 100%. I’m a piece of work . . . in progress.
I know you don’t want to lose your temper or yell at your children. Taking those 12 ways and flipping them on their heads will help increase your chances of responding better to the many maddening realities of parenting.
We all want to parent our children well.
Here are 12 not-so-easy ways to support your desire to be a great parent:
- Pay attention to your body. Get enough sleep and downtime. “Mommy time” is good for your kids.
- Put in margin. Learn to say “no.”
- Drop the full-time job of image propping. If social media is feeding your drive to look amazing, take a break.
- Remember your children’s ages and adjust expectations accordingly. If you’re not sure, get advice from an older mom you respect.
- Remember you are perfectly human. Being human means you have limitations and make mistakes. Like everyone else on the planet. Anyone who looks perfect is image propping—it’s not real. The picture doesn’t tell the whole story.
- Add “play” to your life. Less-than-perfect and done is still done. And, put your “have-to’s” in priority over play.
- Play with your children. (This is not the same play as in #6. Playing with your children is for relationship building. And if you choose to kick back and really play, it has the added bonus of reducing stress.)
- Respond immediately to disobedience. Any delay will teach your child to delay obedience.
- Have predictable and clearly spoken expectations for your children. And give your children age-appropriate responsibilities.
- Work toward a good relationship with your spouse. If you’re having trouble in your marriage, don’t tough it out alone. Seek godly counsel immediately.
- Forgive. It doesn’t matter who offended you. Bitterness over a past offense poisons your heart even when you’re not consciously thinking about it. If you’re having trouble working through this, again, seek godly counsel. Don’t take this issue lightly and start the process of healing today. You will, absolutely, be a better parent without bitterness.
- Apologize and accept forgiveness. Own your sin, accept forgiveness, and allow yourself to grow. There’s no way around it.
Yes, the second list takes work. Mountains of work. But we love our children and want to love them well. So pick one of the twelve to work on today. This will help you move toward being the parent you want to be for your children.
Which one are you going to work on today?
Getting enough rest and downtime is frequently my Achilles’ heel.