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Jun 07 2017

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3 Keys to Make Your Husband Awesome

3 Keys to make your husband awesome3 Keys to Make Your Husband Awesome

I’ve been married over 20 years. I say my husband is awesome today, but I didn’t always feel that way. I married him because I believed he was perfect for me. On our wedding day, I never imagined I’d think otherwise. Even more unimaginable was the long, hard road to making my husband awesome…again.

If you’re husband is, and always has been awesome, you might not be able to relate. But if you’ve ever thought less of your man, may my story can give you hope.

The Honeymoon’s Over

Not long into our marriage, my perspective shifted away from “you’re awesome” to “you’re awful.” It may have started with a lifted toilet seat or an unintended slight. I don’t remember. The little irritations collected, and without my notice, I began planting seeds of criticism in my heart. The seeds grew over the years until he was decidedly NOT awesome, and I wondered how I could continue living with him. My focus became more about changing him. I knew—in my own mind—the overhaul needed to transform him into Mr. Perfect.

No One Enjoys Criticism

The more critical I was, the more conflict we had. Then I discovered a shocking truth: He didn’t think I was awesome either. We had a horrible “I’m awesome. You’re the problem” dance that damaged our marriage.

I didn’t like his criticism as much as he didn’t like mine. We felt both miserable and stuck. We went from wanting to be together all the time before marriage and into the early part of our marriage to not liking being around each other—at all. We made our marriage miserable. Blinded to our contributions, we stuck to our guns, convinced the other person needed to change. When all felt hopeless, I found these keys to making my husband awesome.

The Keys Were in my Hands All Along

Before I say more about the keys, know this: “When all felt hopeless” was a place I returned many times throughout our marriage. We went to counseling multiple times. We read books. We tried hard, momentarily improved, and returned to our stuck spot. We both felt like giving up.

“I found the keys” was a long, painful process of God working in my heart. While I list these keys, recognizing the value of each one and my willingness to use them were hard-earned battles. Battles I fought while our marriage felt the most lost and the most miserable. All throughout my marriage, I had these keys available to me but it took determination to apply them to my life see it’s fruit in my marriage.

Also know this: my husband was never an evil person. He was just as imperfect and flawed as I was. He sinned over the years, and so did I. He failed at being his best self, and so did I. We both hurt each other. If you’re in the boat of wanting your husband to be awesome (whether you think he’s not quite there or is utterly awful), ask yourself: Is he evil or simply imperfect? The keys I’m about to share will not make an evil person awesome. Instead, I’d recommend applying these keys along with godly counsel. I’m not suggesting you endure or condone abuse. Please get help.

If he’s flawed (aka “human”), these keys have every potential to transform your man into an awesome man. (Spoiler alert: It’s more about your transformation than his.)

Key one: Pray for Him

Tell God everything. Pour out your heart to him. Don’t hold back. God knows it all, but giving your heart to him is transformative. But don’t stop at your worries and grief about your husband, pray for him.

Praying for him means praying for his benefit. Do you know your man struggles? He has pain, fears, unrealized hopes and dreams too. He needs wisdom and courage to become the man God has called him to be. More than helpful tips, your husband needs your prayers.

I used to spend more time telling my husband what he needed to change than considering how I could bless my husband with my prayers for him. If you’re at a loss on how to pray for your husband, The Power of a Praying Wife (affiliate link) is an excellent resource.

Commit yourself to pray for him. Not only is God able to work in your husband’s heart and life, but God is able to work in your heart and life as you pray.

Key two: Express Gratitude

I wrote about the power of gratitude here. This was a huge stumbling block in my life especially when it came to my marriage. When I felt unhappy with my marriage, I didn’t express gratitude because I thought it meant I felt perfectly happy. How can I express thanks when I want change? was a sticking point for me. Bitterness and unforgiveness kept my thankful thoughts suppressed. It wasn’t that he didn’t do good. He did. The problem was me withholding thanks.

One Thousand Gifts Devotional (affiliate link) helped me see the power of gratitude in a new way.

We can choose to be genuinely thankful for whatever is good. Expressing gratitude is right and doesn’t require a perfect life. We can be thankful for effort and attempts. Gratitude is a discipline that everyone should practice, but it’s particularly important for when we have a critical spirit.

Key three: Prioritize Self-care

Self-care is simply taking responsibility for our own care. This isn’t the same as being selfish. Biblically-based self-care is submitting to God’s priorities. God commanded regular times of rest. Jesus took time to be alone with the Father. Rest and devotional time are two self-care habits that build into a person’s life.

The Life You’ve Always Wanted (affiliate link) helped me understand spiritual disciplines that puts God’s priorities within a context of real life.

…perhaps the single most spiritual thing you could do right now is…take a nap.

~John Ortberg

I didn’t realize how poorly I took care of myself. Most of my criticism towards my husband was a result of my choice to neglect myself. The more unhappy I felt inside (regardless of the source), the more critical thoughts I had toward my husband.

When I put self-care on my priority list, my critical spirit shrinks.

This is true for all of us. Having a growing relationship with God is an integral part of self-care. God teaches his priorities, and when we follow him, the rest gets put in its proper place. A critical spirit doesn’t inhabit a heart and mind that is wholly connected with a Loving Father God.

 

make your husband awesome: Prayer, gratitude, self-care.

“He’s awesome.” I made him that way.

There was a time I scoffed in my heart at people who wrote about how happy they were to be married to their best friend. My heart ached and wished I could say that. I wanted a “best friends” marriage, but I felt resigned to the my reality.

I’m thankful for friends, mentors, and prayer warriors who invested in my marriage. God used them to help me find and apply these keys to my life. The more I stopped trying to make my husband anything (awesome or otherwise) and focused on what I needed to be doing, the more God transformed me.

My husband is Mr. Real, and I think he’s awesome. He’s real—with flaws—just like me. But God has helped me see the good my husband does. And because he’s no longer living with my critical spirit, he’s free to grow into God’s design for him.

How did I make him awesome?

God changed me, and I learned how to see my husband the way God does. My husband is awesome because he is made by God’s design. He’s awesome because I’ve started looking at what he does right. He’s awesome because I stopped looking to him for my own self-care. He’s not perfect, but somewhere along the way I found that I have a pretty full plate if I look at my own flaws. Thanks be to God who is working in us both.

 

Note: This page contains affiliate links. If you choose to purchase products mentioned on this page, I do benefit—at no extra charge to you. My intention is to bring to your attention products I recommend.

 

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